270 Leagues, under three days

Or: A small glimpse into the life and strange (for the most part) yet true (would I lie) adventures of yours truly: Who rode for 48 hours in an SUV, accompanied by a driver, mostly on the 101 and I-5 (the Pacific Crest trail for cars), but spending some time on the 880, 680, 580, and various other local roads; Lacking a car and the ability to (legally) drive it. Including an account of how he arrived safely home. Written by himself (or so he claims). As Daniel Defoe (Yes, I know (psychic, yet again) that between this and the title I'm probably going overboard with my references to maritime fiction) would title such a tale (of course, his style saves you money and time (which is of course a repetitive and redundant statement, the two being equivalent) - if you're too busy to read the book, there's no need to find/buy a copy of the (cliff/spark)notes/gradesaver/insert other providers here to avoid complaints about me abandoning some other review notes provider/(legal: the phrase containing this note is not intended as an endorsement of any or all of the above providers - and students, you should always read the material and only use such sources for review or to supplement your having read the complete original text first. Phew...glad I got that straightened out)/pinkmonkey - just read the title and you've got the beginning, middle, end, and setting. Which combined with a bit of luck and some finely-honed test-taking skills (when in doubt, choose C), should be enough to pass (if not ace) any test your benevolent provider of knowledge may choose to present you with (and now, for your daily dose of contradiction and your quote of the moment, now conveniently combined into one streamlined set of double apostrophes, "Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer." - Charles Caleb Colton. Which, as I look back after having pressed ctrl+v, may not be a contradiction at all - it could be argued (though probably not (seriously - for it could also be argued (which I am) that by developing and publishing this line of thought I am arguing it) by me - there's a little bit about probabilities there that is missed by this simplification) that if even the best of preparations do not guarantee success, why not just read the cover and spend the time you would spend studying engaged in something more worthwhile/entertaining/both (need the two be mutually exclusive?)), essays excepted. Unless you happen writing something akin to this post which I am currently writing (keep in mind that these words refer to the time of writing, not reading - by the time you, loyal reader (if this is your first visit, you must now come back so as not to have been incorrectly labeled) are reading this post, I shall be long finished writing this sentence, not to mention this post, a fact which I do know to be true by my amazing gift of foresight), which given a sufficiently loose definition (or interpretation of said definition - did you really think the dictionary was meant to be taken literally?) could be considered an essay. Which would require you to tell me which class you are taking, because I would love to have test questions like this. Which is entirely beside the point and is attempting to defeat my attempt to use that brilliant literary technique commonly known as an introduction, leading up to content which will correspond to and hopefully make clear the title and first few sentences of this post. Which will hopefully put an end to this ghastly string of sentences beginning with the word "which". Which I guess wasn't quite true yet. But now it is, by sheer force of willpower and violation of grammatical law (bonus points to the person(s) who can point out both that error and the other violation present in this sentence), the forces of which combine to bring you something at least somewhat related to the subject at hand (or hands - I type with both of them, or eyes - you're probably reading with them (psychic, lucky, or statistics?)). You see (or hear/feel if you happen to be using a screenreader or braille), while taking the aforementioned road trip home at the conclusion of the school year, we (my friend, who was driving me, and I) made several observations which, without further ado (or parenthetical notes ... zut!), I present for your perusal and hopeful amusement

1. Shortly (two miles to be exact) before the transformation of a two-lane highway into a freeway, a sign is posted which reads "Divided road begins 2 miles". What exactly is the purpose of this sign. When one considers the number of such transitions that must exist throughout the state of California alone, and multiplies by the amount of metal and paint required to create each sign, it adds up to a lot of financial, human, and natural resources (is there such a thing as an unnatural resource?) spent. If the sole purpose is to provide travelers unfamiliar with the area with hope that they will soon be able to proceed at a rate of at least one mile per minute, is that perhaps not the best use of said resources. Of course, Caltrans being a government agency, this is a legitimate possibility. The other possibility which presents itself in my mind is that this is for the benefit of any motorists who happen to be driving the road rather than the lane - who may experience a rude awakening when the two sides become divided (a formidable challenge to those who don't own hummers or similar vehicles) split and then later take different courses as rural highways occasionally do. If this is the case, and these signs have actually saved lives, I retract all criticism present in this item only, and will update this post accordingly.
2. The "end construction" sign. It is similar to the previously mentioned sign, in that it serves partly give hope to drivers driven to madness after miles of avoiding cones, obeying flagmen, and driving over steel plates, and partly to notify them that traffic fines will no longer be doubled should they choose to speed (see below) or otherwise violate traffic violations. Yet in a monogamous couple, such a sign does make sense - construction zones should be clearly marked, if only to simplify enforcement of those doubled traffic fines. However, we observed several of these signs which were single (I'm glad that the construction is over, but thanks for telling me it was going to start) or involved in a polygamist relationship (This isn't Utah. Are two "end construction" signs really necessary? I think I got comprehended the message the first time). Of course, the situation is easily explained if, as my dad has suggested, these are actually signs of protest by those who wish to end construction once and for all. If this is the case, then such placements make perfect sense. In fact, they help to eliminate the confusion which understandably results from their juxtaposition with the conclusion of a construction zone (perhaps these placements are part of a government plot to dilute the true meaning of these signs and put an end to what must be a widespread grassroots (literally at times) movement).
3. People go ridiculously fast along the straighter parts of the I-5 passing through the San Joaquin Valley. Not really a surprise, but it ties in nicely with the previous item. Plus it makes the list longer, so why not include it (intended to be rhetorical, but you can answer if you'd like)? Along that stretch of highway lies 52.4% of the solution to California's budget deficit (the other 47.6% being the "california stop" so popular among those who dislike coming to a complete stop (and refuse to accept the argument that as long as their car's temperature is above absolute zero, it is still moveing) while their engine is running).
4. Generic text-to-speech engines should be relegated to the early 21's century where they belong - why settle for a choppy computerized voice when you could have a cowboy or John Cleese directing you to your destination instead? Also a second reason to go with a portable gps unit with usb transfer capabilities (you could try this with a factory installed navigation system but I hope you either have a laptop or a sufficiently wide front door to permit relocation of vehicle in question to an appropriate position alongside your desktop of choice. Of course wireless capabilities can also work wonders). The first reason is to save yourself the harrying experience of attempting to take an alternate route, feeling resistance in the steering wheel and then hearing those dreaded words over the sound system: "I'm sorry Dave...". It's even worse if your name isn't Dave - your car is taking control from you and it doesn't even have the courtesy to learn your name.
   
5. Jack-in-the-box has only two locations in the entire state of Oregon. Well, not really (I checked - there's 46). But traveling along the I-5 from Portland to the California border, we spotted two locations, a number which dwindles to near-insignificance compared with the quantity of locations we observed for some other fast-food chains (sorry, I don't have exact observed figures for this, although to give you an idea the McDonald's restaurant locater reports 23 stores within a half mile of that same stretch of road).
6. This trip was over 1.5 weeks ago. Memory is fallible and fleeting. An observation which fits at least as well as #3 in this list. I intended to write this post within a day or two of my arrival home, and as such did not preserve this list in writing before the creation of this post. Which increased the difficulty inherent in ensuring that each item present should fail to be ommitted from the final copy. Yet difficult is far from impossible, and I believe myself to have included all items which deserved to be present. If not, I reserve the right to publish a second installation of this list.
7. Many consider this number to be lucky.
8. Myself, I prefer 13
13. This number is 7 in base 4.

From centuries-old castaways, to contemporary travels, to quaternary math, this post has lead you in two journeys. One you experienced vicariously through my words. Yet it was only one part of a larger journey, the form of which was conveniently outlined two sentences ago. This journey you experienced directly, my voice reduced to that of a guide. They journey will continue, but I know not where it will lead you. For while I am ignorant of your path beyond the conclusion of this post, I know with near certainty my destination once I type the concluding words of this post. In the words of an immortal camp song, "they all (for certain values of "all") went to bed".