Avast, me hearties!

Ahoy there. As some of ye may already be knowin', today, the 19th of September, be talk like a pirate day. It be a Wednesday too, the day of my First Year workshop, that hour per week designed to help us, still landlubbers on the sea of college life, find our sea legs to stand steady as Pilots at the University of Portland.. This week's session concerned test survival, an end toward which we collected the "13 commandments of test survival". As they may be useful to others, I present the results of our discussion here. But, as today be talk like a pirate day, I present them in pirate speak, the taking of a test allegorized as a stormy sea and, more commonly, a battle against that scurvy foe who be desirin' nothing more than to sink ye with a broadside from his cannons.
The two references to communism are simply the exception to prove the rule, and a test to see who remembers their cold war US history.

1. Be readin' the records of previous battles and talkin' with the old pirates – it be very likely they have fought and defeated t'enemy. Note especially those battles which ye have barely won and ye know will be hard fought if ye be fightin' the same foe again.

2. Know thy test – it is like the sea, prone to sudden and violent storms but navigable when carefully observed. Heed these words – the test is as thy enemy. If ye do not make note of every nuance of its behavior, it be boardin' ye when ye be least expectin' it, making ye walk the plank of ignorance and failure.

3. Stop yer procrastinating – now! Every minute ye wait without makin' preparations the enemy grows closer. Every minute ye wait before giving chase gives the enemy greater chance to escape.

4. Let yer notes be organized, and not scattered as the crew of an opposing ship on the sea after ye be firin' a broadside on them.

5. It be easier to sink a ship if y fire on them simultaneously from both sides, so work in groups. But if ye be true pirates, ye had best be plunderin' yer partners before they be plunderin' ye.

6. Review the logs after each battle – patterns may emerge to aid ye in winnin' the war.

7. Break the enemy through a continuous siege, not with a single broadside

8. Meet with yer captain frequently to discuss the course of the voyage and plans for the future.

9. Be communist in your studying – work in groups, each giving according to his knowledge and receiving according to his need.

10. Ye be not keelhaulin' yer enemy – fore to aft be only a suggestion. Some ships be more easily boarded from the stern.

11. Be anticommunist in your studying- have a list! Bring it to the HUAC meetings (Helpful University Academic Courses, not House Un-American Activities Committee).

12. Dead students write no answers! Make sure ye be gettin' yer slumber.

13. If all else fails, mutiny!*

*I suppose I should clarify this point a little, lest I be thought to be advocating violence against anyone. As the rest of this list is derived from an extended metaphor, mutiny could be interpreted to mean anything from dropping a class to transferring schools. But unlike the
rest of this list, point 13 is not derived from any serious point of our discussion in class, therefore it does not require a symbolic meaning, and may also be interpreted as simply the humorous play on typical pirate ways that I intended it to be. Whew...now I can breath easier. So much explanation for one line of text
Other standard disclaimers and restrictions may apply, see store for details, void where prohibited, or if transfered or sold. Offer expires January 17, 2038, like Google's preferences cookie used to before they shortened it to two years from your last visit.

Did anyone else notice that I ended up with 13 points on that list? What great luck will come to be all those who heed that advice.